The History of the Saggy Green Cricket Circus
Article Contents
  1. Genesis
  2. Embryo
  3. Ascension
  4. Transcendence
Credits
  • Michael Park
Genesis

On an anonymous afternoon in 1999, Mikey G and Creghin strode to the nets at Melwood Oval in the foresty burbs. Reviving equipment that had not seen glory since the onset of puberty, I believe they played with straight bats and deviating balls.

A small gathering at the nets grew into a gaggle of leather and willow. Minds were interrogated for cricketing connections – "yes, I think he might have played cricket before and he may want to come down for a hit". A murmur began and several phone calls were issued.

Summer - 2000

As the weeks progressed, numbers swelled and there was talk of a game. Slowly, friends and friends of friends emerged from the greater saggy belt of the wider Sydney. Akin to the call of the samurai, cricketers would respond from all corners to fight for the right to have fun in sport.

After one such semi-rigorous afternoon of bustling and bunting, a few of these aspiring athletes reclined in the house of Tanj to live vicariously through players we watched on television. Undergoing lengthy psychological preparation to enhance this phenomenological experience of vicarious cricket, inspiration was stumbled upon. Sick of listening to the laborious dribble of the likes of Ian Chappell and Tony Grieg, it was decided that we should create a website alternative to cricket commentary. As Australians who feel the sharp responsibility to fuel cricket with stupidity, we realised that we were far from baggy greens… we were the "saggy greens".

Of course we sagged up big-time and never did create the website. BUT, we did find ourselves in the bottom division of a nine-a-side winter cricket competition with the Sydney Morning Cricket Association (thanks to kindly nature of Ed Neylan). The team was registered as "the Saggy Green Cricket Circus". And so it began.

Winter - 2001

The first game coincided with my return from overseas. As I drove nervously to some ground in the middle of a suburban wasteland south of Sydney, I wondered how the Saggy Greens would fare. Would the game be over already after a humiliating defeat? Would spirit and sag combine to produce some alchemical skill? Upon arriving, I was immediately asked to score as the Saggy Greens chased down a total of some 120 runs. No wonder why accountants like cricket! Ironically, it poured down with rain and the Saggy"s continued to bat in rain until the 15 over mark – we were the only team that weekend to get a result, because we had batted 15 overs. After learning that lesson, we realised it was a good idea to read the rule book. Almost making the finals in our first season, we did discover that we might actually be able to play. Or so we thought.

Summer - 2001/02

The Saggy Green Cricket Circus ingloriously entered the Moore Park and South East Cricket Association"s 7th grade. Losing 8 games outright and 6 on first innings, we played true to our name – it"s always an advantage to get the first sledge in on your own team before the opposition can even start. We learned about momentum, defeat and outright defeat.

Those were the halcyon days in which Creghin AKA Bollywood AKA Beggles would charge in with the new pill tucked under his right wing (one devastating spell on a dodgy turf track the highlight). Beghin Snr provided some natural Caribbean flair. The enigmatic D Darbar whose all-round talent belied the fact that he had never played cricket before (he has deviated from his saggy destiny by moving to Melbourne). There are legendary tales of the intimidating pace of genuine quick Digglay, the kind of bloke you want next to you in a pub brawl. The versatile Tanj, who developed a penchant for keeping count of the score while we were fielding. The discovery of left arm medium in-swing in one Bush Tucker (well, we always knew he could swing). The sight of Steamy Mo-Mo running in with his Thommo slinging action was a treat. The brief yet technically correct career of A Dubya was brimming with unfulfilled potential. Bowling in sunglasses is now known as "doing a Coops". Liberace Craig with those million dollar fingers that yearn to spin leather down the beaten track. Fast Nick who one day came charging into field after an all-nighter and soon had to lie down with heart palpitations. The sensible approach of the clinician behind the stumps, Doc Rock, would be telling in years to come. The other clinician, Kitch was our star county import. As for me, left arm off spin was choice bro, until I broke a bone in my hand dropping a catch.

Embryo

Summer - 2002/03

Once again the call was put out – "the saggy needs you!" A training camp south of the bridge was established. A recruitment drive scouted down a few who felt the inner sag deep within their hearts. Mersades Malone AKA V brought with him experience and coaching credentials scarcely utilised. In Bobage we found the gentlest opening bowler in the world. Dirty Ho the freak who is capable of anything and everything. Simco AKA Ganguly in a mirror in every way, including the inverse attitude. Then Jonez made his grand debut with handy medium pacers, the long handle and rock star trimmings. It is hard to forget the sight of Rosie with white goo streaming from his nostril after opening the innings for an hour for about 5 runs, the loosest saggy of them all. With Bollywood at the helm, the Saggys were looking, well, saggy.

We began the season with two outright victories. In the first match, V found early form with a lofted off drive that was still on its way when it hit the trees. In the second, Digglay copped a ball in the mouth after trying to slog-sweep a medium pacer. Wondering over to square leg, he proceeded to spit out some blood and then smashed the next short ball for six and proceeded to destroy the bowling and then the opposition"s batting.

The crash back to earth was quite resounding – 7 players chased leather on a thirty plus day with the Rusties psychologically damaging some Saggys by posting 4/465. The sag can be stretched only so far until breaking. Philosophically, we faced a turf game at the picturesque Allan Davidson Oval in Alexandria. Inspired by the magic of the white picket fences, change rooms with showers and the temporary pavilion, the Saggy Green Cricket Circus came to town in a big way. Convincingly trouncing the Waverley Wombats, Bollywood and Mushtaq would share a half century partnership that would inexplicably aid in the sagging up process. Never has the Sag experienced a greater moment.

For the remainder of the season, the Saggys would continue to sag up and down with regularity. In the final game of the season, we had to avoid an outright victory against the Waverley Wombats. After some suicidal umpiring decisions by our own team, Borellywood and Mushtaq saw out the bowling with extensive patience to scrape the team into the semi finals.

The semi final against the established Christian Young Men would prove to be two days of demonstrable saggyness. On the first day, V managed to pummel the attack to the tune of 180 runs while Simco and Dirty added invaluable support. Scoring a total of 342 runs, it all looked relatively easy. On day two, the Saggys began well before falling into a sag of grand proportions. Being completely flayed for a partnership well over 100 runs, the circus looked like it was being chased out of town by a couple of cowboys. One of several turning points featured Treasure dropping a sitter at deep mid wicket, only to pick up the ball and throw down the stumps from approximately 40 metres – oh how indicatively saggy!

Into our first final, we were pitted against arch rivals Ryans. There was always animosity but in a recent match, the most appalling park cricketer to have emerged in our presence, Trennose, had threatened V with a swinging stump. This was to be the ultimate grudge match. The Saggys batted first and V looked in good touch until Trennose bowled a short one that V hooked straight to a fielder who was standing at the very least, half out over the boundary – the claiming of this catch is indicatively Ryans. Struggling to 160, the Saggys pondered what could have been. On day two, Ryans built steady early partnerships with Mossy taking few risks and seeing off the new ball. Trennose then decided to racially sledge Mushtaq with the "power-point" call (the officiating umpire Ed Neylan can verify that this actually occurred despite the result of a later judiciary hearing) by whom he was quickly dismissed. Back in the game with a sniff, V rolled in with some medium pace and picked up six wickets to take us within one wicket of victory.

Ascension

Summer - 2003/04

A promotion to 5th grade was perhaps a little bold, yet the Saggys put up an admirable season. More Saggys were found and lost. Biggie Ho made his debut, tearing away in Dennis Lillee style creams. Gennose made his long-awaited return to the park, getting smashed in the knee on debut after a fine spell of mongrel. As it was the year of Mushtaq, Saggy prospects were looking unpredictable at best.

Beginning the season well, the Saggys had honed a unique strategy that had served them well the previous year. The mid-season mega-sag appeared fashionable, urbane, simply the best option around the christmas and new year period. Pitted against some formidable opposition (in the form of the Gypos, old foes the Apaches, the Rusties, Ryans and the unknown Cavs), the competition proved to be fierce and spirited.

Inspired by a night of haggis and scotch whiskey, Booty managed to lash an amazing hundred by swatting, driving and thumping the ball to all quarters of the picturesque Heffron Hockey ground. Capturing the glorious honour of becoming the second Saggy centurion, it was his swashbuckling style which earned him his due treasure.

The highlight sag was the first match against the Cavs where we dropped over 10 catches to get flayed for 391 runs and then get bowled out for 74. They managed to easily defeat us in the second match and looked to be the form team of the competition.

In familiar style, the Saggy underdogs staged a remarkable campaign for 5th grade glory. Gauntlets were being tossed around at will as a streak of mongrel emanated from the chill-out merchants. In the first match against Ryans, harsh words were exchanged once again – was that the last we ever saw of Digglay? The second match proved to be a classic. In a one dayer, Trennose was docked one run by the umpire for running short. With V fired up and ably assisted by Bollywood, they managed to tie the game off the last ball. In the next game played by Ryans (their semi final), Trennose managed to run short again, Ryans tied again and their opposition went through to the final on a points. You"ve got to admire consistency.

The Saggys" semi final looked a daunting task against the Cavs. It was the pure inspired genius of Bobage Ball as he wreaked revenge batsmen who had previously treated his bowling with disdain. 14.4 overs, 6 maidens, 9 wickets for 22 runs – it was the stuff they make DVDs about. Dismissing the Cavs for 71, the Saggys, well sagged, and it was left to Bobage and Borellywood to guide the ship safely to a first innings win. Then there was another sag as we only narrowly avoided an outright defeat on the second day.

And so it was that the relatively green, naïve and inexperienced Saggys were to face 15 year veterans, the Gypos, who had made the second grand final in history. The highlight of the first day featuring the umpiring – V was given out LBW to a ball that hit the seam in the middle of the pitch, kept an inch off the pitch and then hit him well outside off stump while playing a shot. Sagging to be all out for 78, the Gypos then took 63.4 overs to compile the runs. Cricket was certainly not the winner and since that day, the Saggys have never pulled a crowd so large.

Transcendence

Summer - 2004/05

It was to be the year of Simco as Ganguly-in-a-mirror grasped the chance to imitate his inversed name-sake. The green of Griffiths proved to be a rich vein of saggy talent as Brownie sagged up with the best of them. Dip ‘n stir has proved to be a revelation with both bat and ball. An experienced middle order bat was recruited in Ham. And how could we forget the tragically controversy-speckled career of happiest cricketer on the park, Big Gay Al.

As usual the season began successfully. Then as an intrepid Beggles, V and Mushie undertook a spiritual pilgrimage to the subcontinent, the wheels quickly conspired to be falling right off the Saggy wagon. Firstly, Simco broke a bone in his wrist after turning around and appealing so voraciously that he fell and landed awkwardly. And so it was the ineffable Dirty Ho who took the reigns in a dark moment of Saggy history.

By the time our intrepid pilgrims returned with the cricketing bounty from the holy land, the Saggys had been reduced to 6 players in chasing 123. Luckily Biggie Ho and Simco (complete with arm in plaster) arrived so that we did not have to forfeit the second innings.

Later, in a crunch match against the Apaches, V and Brownie managed a partnership of 152 for the 9th wicket in chasing down 188 for victory – a loss would have put the finals beyond possibility.

Having once again snuck into the finals by the skin of our saggy bottoms, we faced the in-form Doncaster. With Simco back at the helm plaster-free, all appeared steady on the good ship Saggy. Yet after a minor middle order collapse, it was the irrepressible Dirty with Biggie in support, turning the tide of momentum toward the sag with a 67 run partnership for the 7th wicket.

The final presented us with the Rusties, old foes who had damaged us in season past. After a great start from V and the Doc, it was Biggie and Gennose who rose to the occasion with a 72 run partnership for the 6th wicket. Simco, Gennose and Big Gay Al led the way with sterling performances. Ultimately, it was a great team effort with bat, ball and especially in the field. And the pleasure of playing two hotly-contested yet happily spirited finals games was immeasurable (thanks to Doncaster and the Rusties).

Two consecutive games of solid all-round team cricket from the Saggys were enough to ensure that their four year odyssey would finally bear fruit – the Moore Park and South East Cricket Association"s 5th grade premiership.

Summer - 2005/06

Promoted once again, 4th grade will hold a stern test for the Saggys.